Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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