you traded sex for a burrito?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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