Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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