...so i touched it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
