i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
