Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
