You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
