So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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