All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
