Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
