My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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