Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
