Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
