You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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