I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
