If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
