If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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