I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
