and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
