Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
