Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Say something about gay babies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
