the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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