I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
