Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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