bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
