making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
