I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
