I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
