I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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