I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
