I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
