I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
