did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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