My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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