this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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