I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we made out on top of his cat.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
