Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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