dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
