I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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