I want to make a zoo with you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
