If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
