GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
