I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
