I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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