Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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