Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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