Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
