Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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