I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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