I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
