they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
