OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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